My aberrant thoughts

Monday, December 25, 2006

friend or love

I know I need to carry on with my life ... but in the corner of my mind I dont wanna lose her ... perfect example of dileama ...

Most people like to marry a girl whom they will fell in love . but to fell in love is a different thing all together .. there are basically to ways in which you may love a girl . from day one you meet the girl, you may hav a strong crush for the girl and u will try all u can to impress her and then try hard to turn the track to love. this is one kind . the second one is the most rare thing , you will become close to a girl, know her indepth over a period of time and then slowly you realise one that she is more than a friend or someone special to you. .. she is of the second kind .

But as always you won't get things for free ... I know its a difficult thing to marry her ... not becoz she is not compatible to me ... I don't thing I will get a girl as good as she ... there are a lot of practical difficulties . think I hav given enough hints to her .. and I think she is intelligent enough to get that .... but her responses were negative .. don't know whether my interpretations were bad ... never know . but the truth is that I don't wanna lose a friend like her,which is forcing me not to make a move forward . and I don't know how she will react.

But once I will tell her, I loved her very much once ... but when ? I want to tell before I fly to US. ... Don't know whether I will be able to tell her ... letsee

ps: anand don't make pj comments to this blog ... kidding ...:)

Monday, December 18, 2006

why she did this to me ?

scene 1: me and my brother are having our dinner outside ...
me : " need to make a call to US .... need to check the status of my Petition"
bro : " call from the mobile ... " ( which I don't have in my mobile )
Giving a try at the number 0019195436353 .... byhearted the number it seems ... I have dialled this number a 100 times over the past one month ... obviously , anyone would have byhearted it by then .
After 4 dials I cut the phone ...
me : "she is not in office ".
bro : "how u know ?"
me : " she used to pick the phone at the first dial if she is in the office ."
I am so used to her ways. for the past 2-3 weeks I call her daily.I know the time she gets to office . how to get any messages if she is not in office by 11 am their time and all ....

Scene 2: Thinking of checking my office mails ... when I checked my mails , I saw a mail from Sanjay kothari whom I tried to contact first regarding my petition and couple of mails from my manager.As I opened, I got the biggest shock I got in my life ... my petition was only filed on dec 14th and the person I used to contact regarding this was dismissed ... for a while I don't know what was happening to me ... lot of things went through my head ... felt like crying.

For the whole of last two three weeks. I used to go to the office mainly to call this lady in the evenings. Though it was frustrating, I was composed and calm,thinking anyway I will get this sooner or later . A hope ... which was fast deteriorating ... whenever I used to call her she used to give me a date with upmost genuinity and I believed in her words ... she admitted that she send a wrong form in Nov and she resubmitted the papers with the updated form .... and assured it will be okie anytime . she later said she resubmitted everything on Nov 16th ... and like a dumb person I believed in it .

My office life was getting bored as long wait for calling her ... I tried coming late ... staying late till I get any answer from her .. she was looking extremly genuine to me. the last week I didn't get a chance to call her ... she was not coming to office till 10 pm my time and I will leave the office . Now when i read the mails from the manager I realised , she made a real mess of my petition . she is dismissed ... now there is a new person handling it ... now I have to track him ... really wonder why she did this to me ? .... she delayed the whole processing for almost 2 months . all my dreams of enjoying X'mas and Newyear with Nagya, Sugs,Prit vanished ...

as soon as I read the mail, I saw Nagya in ST . As I chatted with him and later with Mithula, Sajay and then towards the end Sugs I felt a lot relieved ... really I should thank these people for their suport ... not mentioning kenne , who though makes fun of all these situations was building that hope in me ... like when I lost the hope of celebrating X'mas and Newyear in btv, he was saying like think of celebrating Pongal in btv .. :) ... Mithu ... my late office companion during my wait for the US calls regarding this and her potrayal of this condition as the -ve part of Sine wave ... Mithu, sine wave is going from -ve to -ve ... can't help ... My roomates, without them I would have gone down in this situation ... they change my mood when I reach home ... totally a festive one with lots of fun ... will miss this when I go to US .

But still the big question is why she did this to me ? why she delayed my petition ... whatever I won't forget this name in my life and it will be remainder when I deal in such cases .....

" Tracey Tucker"